Liverpool 1-0 Everton

Goals:
Origi 90+6'

I cannot even. How are you even supposed to summarize that.

It's 0-0 for 95 minutes. It's a typical Merseyside Derby score line without being a typical Merseyside Derby. There are actual, honest-to-goodness chances. For both sides. There is actual, honest-to-goodness football. From both sides. Both sides press, both sides attack, both sides are denied goals only due to incredible defending or errant finishing. Four clear-cut chances from Liverpool, two from Everton. There are only a handful of vicious tackles, play acting, or any of the other ugly that's become all too typical in this fixture, although Everton had clearly retreated deeper and deeper in the second half, happy to maintain their point.

But it's still 0-0.

And then Liverpool have a free kick. It's unsurprisingly a scramble, seemingly ending with van Dijk's errant volley skyward rather than at goal. But it's one of those awkward, arcing efforts where the goalkeeper's not entirely sure whether he's going to need to tip it over. Jordan Pickford, with his wee little arms, goes to tip it over. And he completely fails, somehow pushing it onto the crossbar, deflecting directly to Divock Origi about a yard out from goal. Divock Origi, who has not played a league game for Liverpool since August 2017.

1-0. With the clock at 95:08.

I cannot even.

It's even better than a 4-0 riot. It's even better than Sadio Mané in the 94th minute at Goodison. It might even be better than McAllister's free kick from absolutely nowhere at the absolute death at their place, and that was more than 17 years ago. Just because of the comedy. The utter failure. The "why always us????". It could not be funnier. It could not be crueler. Supporting Everton must be the absolute worst. I'd feel bad except, well, you know.

So, yeah, we can analyze a bit, but where's the fun in that? Liverpool reverted to 4-2-3-1, the familiar iteration with Fabinho and Wijnaldum holding, Shaqiri on the right, Firmino in the hole but at least further forward than we've seen in more frustrated fixtures. Liverpool were better in attack, although it certainly helps that Everton wanted to press and attack more than other recent opponents. Liverpool still had problems in attack, at least in finishing. Mané firing over in the 12th minute, set up by Wijnaldum's final third regain and Salah's chip. Shaqiri in on goal later in the first half, set up by Fabinho's pressing tackle and Salah's through ball, the shot too close to Pickford. Mané in on goal in the second half, Fabinho again, this time flicking a long pass towards Firmino, chest control, through ball, shot pushed wide.

But at the same time, Liverpool were tested. Yerry Mina's set play header wide in the 4th minute, offside but uncalled. Alisson somehow denying Andre Gomes' header in the 21st, a point blank save then cleared off the line at the last possible second by Joe Gomez. Both sides looking to press, both sides sending their full-backs forward, both sides with spells of pressure and dominance with the ball trapped at the opponents end of the pitch meant we got a surprisingly open match, at least for the first half. It was more familiar in the second half, with Everton dropping increasingly deep, Everton increasingly happy to ugly the match, Liverpool increasingly frustrated and tired, but Richarlison remained a threat on the counter, supported by Sigurðsson and two attacking full-backs.

Klopp threw all but the kitchen sink at proceedings, bringing on Keïta for Shaqiri for increased dynamism in midfield and Sturridge for Salah for a more orthodox striker, then went with the kitchen sink in Origi for Firmino. Everton were happier to hold what they had, Lookman for Walcott – for increased counter-attacking pace – the only substitution that mattered until time-wasting changes at the very end. And despite Liverpool's efforts, because of Everton's efforts, this still looked likely to end in frustration, as in both Merseyside Derbies last season.

Then that moment happened. Jordan Pickford happened. Divock Origi happened, karmic payback for the career changing injury he suffered against Everton two and a half years ago.

Liverpool happened to Everton, as Liverpool seems to always happen to Everton.

The little brother just cannot get a break against the bigger. And I cannot stop laughing.