Hello there, my name is Sam and I help waste people’s time and send the economy even more into the dumper by trying to eradicate production ever so slightly with my contributions at Anfield Asylum.com. Because of my sunny disposition, I’ve been selected to write the poll for worst loss of the season. Come open a vein with me!
Manchester City 3-0 Liverpool: Hey, remember when we still had hope under Roy? It came after a pretty scrappy draw with Arsenal. After being down a man for the entire second half and a glorious Ngog strike it was only not a win because of a rare Pepe Reina cock-up. So most of us were optimistic that things would go well. Ngog had added to his tally from Europa qualifying against the Gunners, and we were really hoping he might become, like, an actual striker. So did Roy, who punted him up in tandem with Fernando Torres. And the two of them played like the other had hit on their girlfriend. Gareth Barry opened the scoring in the 13th minute, which was approximately the last time he successfully kicked a ball forward the rest of the year. His goal is particularly galling because it could be argued that Rafa’s inexplicable and infuriating pursuit of him that eventually led Xabi Alonso to stick two fingers up to Benitez and head off for Madrid, which is just about where the collapse started. Tevez tallied twice in the second half, and once again Liverpool couldn’t manage three passes in a row or leave their own half. Whatever optimism we had then was surely snuffed out by the time Tevez buried a penalty in the 68th minute.
Everton 2-0 Liverpool: Losing to our neighbors to leave us in the relegation zone. Watching Sotirios Kyrgiakos thrash about. Never threatening. This is pretty low.
Stoke 2-0 Liverpool: Heading into this game, the Reds actually were stringing together some performances that we’re at least a tad above corpse-level. There was the Steven Gerrard Tour De Force against Napoli, followed by the win at home over Chelsea. A midweek 1-1 draw with Wigan didn’t exactly bring anyone to tumescence, but with the heavy fixture congestion we kind of brushed it off, figuring a win at Stoke would have brought a points haul from these three games of seven was more than acceptable. Yeah, that didn’t work. Ricardo Fuller, who I’m sure is in the team photo for worst striker ever in the Premier League, scored from about a yard out early in the second half, which I think is the only distance he can manage. Kenwyne Jones ended it in the final minute, but the match was long gone before that as once again a Hodgson-led side couldn’t find competence with a guide dog and a flashlight. We really lived through this?
Blackpool 2-1 Liverpool: Hope again. Kenny Dalglish had taken over and though his first match was an FA Cup exit at the Theater of Prawns, there were at least some signs of revival. Kenny had us playing a higher line, the players seemed to care again, and we actually thought about getting into the opponent’s box. It started so well, with Torres scoring in the 3rd minute. But Gary Taylor-Fletcher, who looks like he turned up fresh from picking fights in the pub with smaller guys, equalized just nine minutes later. D.J. Campbell provided the winner in the 69th minute, and Dalglish was fully aware now of the task at hand.
• Young Player of the Season
• Signing of the Season